Building A New Worldview

I remember a time where I sat in my kitchen, listening to a podcast, and suddenly realized an area of belief that had previously been ingrained and taken as a no-brainer became something I recognized as no longer working for me. After a few moments of stunned silence, I began googling books, articles, and other podcasts I could listen to on the topic so I could figure out an alternate way of thinking about things. “I can’t believe there is this too…” I muttered to myself. 

As soon as I started, I caught myself and took a breath. It was true, I did need to deconstruct this area. But I didn’t need to do it right then. I realized, as I was scrambling to find resources to tackle this new topic, there were already so many other things that I was working through—things that actually were more pressing than the topic I had just heard about. 

At first I was dismayed; I wondered how many more things I had to find out were not true and then do the arduous work of untangling because of the high control religion I had grown up in. The process seemed never ending. After a few more moments, however, I realized that my idea of deconstruction (which to be honest, wasn’t even a word that was used at the time!) was me trying to replicate the certainty that religion had promised me. 

I was seeking to come to the “end” of deconstruction so that I could be certain about a new set of rules, beliefs, patterns of thought, and ways of living. I quickly understood that a rigid new set of parameters that was born from a need to create certainty outside of religion, would quickly lead me into a new, fundamentalist way of living, thinking, and relating. 

I am often asked “how long is the deconstruction process?”, or I hear people saying they are “done deconstructing”. Though I do think I understand what they are asking or saying, I am also aware that the motivation underneath this is to create something different and then be done. This thinking, however, doesn’t take into account that there is a gift in deconstruction being a lifelong process. 

This does not mean that every moment of every day must be spent lamenting about what you were taught and actively seeking new ways of thinking, relating, and living. Instead, this means that we hold, with an open hand, the things we believe so that we are always open to growth and change. 

Part of the allure, and ultimately the harm, of fundamentalism is an unchanging and certain set of beliefs and ways of living. While the certainty can give the illusion of safety since it is nice to not have to think so hard on what is “right or wrong”, it ultimately keeps us from living and relating in such a way that encourages freedom, authenticity, and individuality. 

Whenever we come to a place where we say “there, I have arrived, I am done deconstructing”, we are also suggesting that we have found a way of living and thinking that is certain, unchanging and…fundamentalist.

Deconstruction, as a lifelong process, gives us opportunities to challenge ourselves, to be changed by others, to live with curiosity, and grow as humans in relation to other humans. Sometimes this is intentional (and uncomfortable!) work, other times this happens naturally and without much effort as we go about living our lives. 

As a lifelong learner and someone who deeply values curiosity and authenticity, I now am excited when there is something that rises to the surface in my life that needs some deconstruction-attention. It is in those moments that I smile with gratitude that I have the opportunity to further untangle different patterns of my past and live with more freedom and kindness moving forward.